AUSTRALIA!!!!!!

The flight to Darwin was uneventful. We arrived bleary eyed at about 7am local time on the 2nd of November, breezed through customs without hassle apart from a matronly looking woman - like a granmothered version of Dr. Doolittle who was very concerned about any foodstuffs being brought into the Northern Territory. I told her I had nothing to declare but the contents of my stomach, and that she'd have to kick me very hard in the nether regions for any kind of a close inspection.

We had a few hours to kill in the airport, a tiny non-descript warehouse of boredom and nothingness. I occuppied myself by perusing the morning papers which were full of excitement about the upcoming Melbourne Cup, the financial crisis of course, Rupert Murdock's series of lectures he was giving in the Opera House in Sydney, and a few great tabloid shock horror stories about killer crocs. Welcome to Australia. Dylan Moran has a fairly specific take on the place - I think its worth quoting him in full:

"It's a totally inhospitable place, you shouldn't be here, the sun, you live about three quarters of a mile from it, I've seen insects walking around with kneepads, you fling yourselves into the sea when you're not actually walking around audibly crackling in the heat and the sea is full of things designed exclusively to kill you, sharks, jellyfish, swimming knives, they're all there. But yet you persist in living here. So you know, its a jail, you live in, it's lovely, you've done wonderful things with it, but you're all still in denial"

The first time I heard that I actually really wanted to come here. When you grow up in a place where the only really exciting wild animals were reputedly exiled by your patron saint, you sort of begin to crave a bit of exoticism don't you? Crocodiles the size of milk vans, big great whites lurking in the bays, redback spiders hiding in your shoes waiting to venomise you, the top three most dangerous snakes in the world - all in one country - one continent for Christsake!! I was delighting in winding Sarah up about all of this of course..haha.

The short hop down to Sydney was again, a dreary affair. Crap food, fake smiles, recycled air, hassle, waiting around, trying to guess the age/occupation/sexual persuasion of all your fellow passengers from their shoes and carry on luggage.

We were surprised at the gate at Sydney Airport by Jim and Lorraine - Sarah's uncle and his partner. We knew that they were coming to meet us, but hadn't expected to see them until we had our luggage collected. Jim has been in Oz since the early 80's, and it was great to have two smiling and welcoming faces to greet us and drive us into the city. Jim had very (very) kindly booked us into a hotel in the CBD and they dropped us off there.

The Menzies on Carrington St is an old but refined hotel. The lobby smells like fresh aftershave, most nights there's a live pianist in the bar, there is a gym and pool and we were placed in a position call it home for the next 6 nights courtesy of a couple I had hardly met before. I was liking Oz already.

So we settled in and wandered out into the city towards the Rocks - the now commercialised quarter of what was the sight of the initial city settlement, perched on a natural elevation and blessed with view of that spectacular harbour. It was cold, so cold in fact there was a danger that our first brandishing of dollars in anger was to be to purchase wooly jumpers! The horror! We couldn't stomach it, so walked around fresh off the 'boat' in our bermuda shorts with vacant grins. After catching our first glimpse of the Opera House we retreated to the comfort of the hotel. Later a brief ramble to the nearest bar for a drink proved a mistake - a heaving Irish bar full of leprechauns jigging around to some gobshite in a Kilkenny jersey knocking out bad Snow Patrol covers - we could easily have been anywhere at home, so we lorried our overpriced drinks and ran out pronto.

Next morning, (or mid afternoon in fairness - jetlag) we found an internet cafe and did some research on potential employment. Being suddenly surrounded by scurrying and frowning drones in suits put the fear of God in me. "Christ I have to get a job at some stage - I better get me CV together". I soon came to my senses and got the hell out of there (after sending off a few applications I must admit!).

Afterwards we got in touch with an old housemate of mine, Colin, who was living up on Dee Why Beach in the northern suburbs. We arranged to meet at Manly and caught the ferry from Circular Quay as dusk was settling on the harbour. Now I've seen some views before, but this was truly special. The great looming bridge to our left, the Opera House like a giant series of sea shells perched on the shoreline to our right.

Colin greeted us with a satisfied smile that said a lot about his experiences in the year since I had said goodbye to him and wished him luck outside our house in Raheny. He has surfed and snowboarded his way around the globe, and if you know Col, and could believe it, was even more laid back and relaxed than I had known him before! It was great to see him and we grabbed some food and a few pints in the Manly Boatshed over a few games of pool before catching the last ferry back to the city. It felt fantastic to see the harbour at night - the glassy water reflecting the city lights, the excitement of our year to come. New city, new jobs, new friends, new life.

Up late again the following morning and I made some use of the hotel gym before heading out and catching a bus to Bondi Beach. It was Melbourne Cup day and we sidled into a bar on the beach front to watch 'Viewed' win the race. We had planned to do the 10k coastal walk south along the cliffs to Coogee Beach and set off in mid afternoon. We were impressed by the suburbs en route, and the beaches with surf clubs, some dating from the early 1900's reassured us of a well established culture of beach bum-dom!! Through the Waverly Cemetary - a stark visual reminder of the sheer amount of Irish who have passed through and along (and indeed on) in the city.

After about 2 hours we reached Coogee. The wind had picked up from a bluster to a toupee remover, so we hopped a bus back to the CBD.

Over the following days we explored a bit more taking in a tour of the Opera House, a good stroll around the magnificent botanical gardens that lie just adjacent to it and pints in the only 'real' pub we could find in the city (Harts in The Rocks). The Australain Hotel around the corner from this place definitely deserves a mention - great pub grub and a huge selection of bottled and draft beers. Sarah was getting back into her wine with gusto - it had been nigh impossible to find decent (reasonably priced) wine in SE Asia and she was suffering withdrawal! Darling Harbour,lined with bars and restaraunts also got a visit, as did the Museum of Contemporary Art on the harbour front. We did a fair bit of walking along the parallel George and Pitt streets that bisect the CBD too to get a feel for the place.

Jim had agreed to give us a hand in buying a car for our impending road trip - its damn difficult to pick up a car without a car in the first place! In one morning, after plenty of research, we called into your stereotypical dodgy second hand car salesman ('Sydney Car King' - be warned future backpackers he's slippery as a very slippy eel) and bought that quintessential of Ozzy road trip vehicles - a hulking white '95 Holden Commodore. Its big enough to sleep in, if it ever comes to it!

We had checked out of the luxury accommodation, loaded the car and drove the 40km through the city to Manly where we stayed in a kip of a hostel (Manly Beach Backpackers) for a few days. Back to earth with a bang!! Manly is fairly quiet, but a beautiful spot nonetheless. I could easily live there. The main street - the 'Corso' is curbed at either end by the sea - the sprawling Manly Beach at one end, and the pier at the other. That night we caught a bus up to Dee Why for a BBQ with Colin in the apartment he shares with his sister. We watched some of the Rugby League World Cup before grabbing a lift back with some of Col's mates to Manly.

On the following afternoon, a Sunday, Jim and Lorraine picked us up from the hostel and we drove to Neutral Bay. It was Sarah's birthday, so we celebrated with a BBQ in Oaks Bar there, a spot of some history for our hosts. The beer garden is dominated by a huge oak tree. The atmosphere was great and as the sun dappled through those leaves and onto our table and we got stuck into our steaks and barramundi over a few bevvies I thought to myself, this is a bit of alright.

From there we drove to a decommissioned military base, Cobblers Beach Reserve at Middle Head. From the top of the old gun emplacements there is a great view out between the headlands and into the open ocean. Then on to Balmoral Beach, a beautiful cove that is bisected by a small headland, for a few drinks at the Bathers Pavillion. It was a great way to spend Sarah's birthday, and we both really enjoyed the company and sights. We rounded off the day ourselves with dinner in a BYO restaurant on the Corso back in Manly.

The following morning I found the saltwater pool at the end of the beach front and did a few lengths before reading on the beach for a few hours. Sarah had taken the morning ferry back into the city to get her hair cut, so I had the afternoon to myself. I wandered up the main street, grabbed some lunch and ate it on the pier end, at the quieter beach along Fairlight Walk. I strolled up the walkway from there, found a few cosy spots with benches and read again until I saw Sarah's boat chugging around the headland and into the pier. Back from her retail therapy/ makeover she was in great form and we had dinner in Cafe Brisa another 'bring your own' - (booze that is!). Colin joined us again, and we had a few farewell beers in the Boatshed and Ivanhoe's. The big road trip was to begin the following morning, and I fell asleep with that indescribable contentness that accompanies thoughts of the open road ahead.

Singapore Oct 29th - Nov 1st

We flew into Singapore in the early hours of the morning. A fellow Naas head who happened to be living in Singapore had invited us to stay. The fact it was organised only days before and completely unexpected meant it was all the sweeter to arrive and have a bed in a comfy apartment for a few nights. Brian's place is in Keppel Harbour and absolutely fab, the first thing the three of us did was put on the kettle and have a cuppa - jaysus the sight of a kettle was enough to nearly bring a tear to my eye, ha!

The following morning after an excessive sleep J and I managed to extract ourselves from the comforts of home living and head out and explore the city. As we could practically jump onto the cable car going over to Sentosa from our bedroom window on the 16th floor it seemed a natural place to start. It's an exhilarating ride across the harbour, looking down on all the huge ships below is enough to make the heart flutter. Sentosa island is a touristy spot. We spent most of the afternoon there, we took a luge down towards the beaches, that was good craic for all of 20 seconds. Silosa Beach is the most noteworthy, very cool bars with four posterbeds on the beach and small pools. We managed to resist, with only three days in the city we didn't want to spend one on a beach.

We visited the aquarium which is excellent and we were like two school kids pointing out and naming all the fish we'd learned about and seen whilst diving on days before. Some of the tanks had sharks and there was actually a diver in one such tank feeding them - nutcase. A travellator carried us below an underwater tunnel with all the sharks and fish swimming above your head,very cool.

We got swept up with a group of school kids coming out of the aquarium and ended up on a bus to a dolpin show nearby. The two of us huddled up amongst all the five year olds to watch the aquatic display with amusement. We took a cable chair back up from the beach, more scary than the flippin' cable car, with our dangling legs brushing off the tree tops! From there it was onto Mount Faber by cable car to catch a view over the city and Keppel Harbour.

Singapore is a squeaky clean, super efficient city. I really liked it, the right mix of Asian and Western influences, it does have an Asian feel but far cleaner than any of the ones we had visited. We took the metro over to the Indian Quarter and strolled from there onto the Arab Quarter. We had dinner in a nice spot near the 'Gateway' which are two buldings in the CBD that look like two razor blades.

There is some very cool architecture in Singapore. It's not a bustly place though like other big cities. There weren't many people wandering about the streets, as you would expect in a big city, it did feel like something was amiss. The nightlife however was the opposite, Clarke's Quay was jampacked - I can't remember the last time I've queued for a taxi after a night out.

On Friday we followed the old Colonial Loop around the city. This took in the Merlion on the waterfront, a national symbol. We strolled past the Esplanade (cricket grounds) towards Raffles Hotel. It's a beautiful old building, but just as pretentious and over-priced as you would imagine, I felt like a frickin' hippy wandering around!

We had lunch along Boat Quay nearby, string of restaurants that hug the quayside and allow you a great view as you eat. More walking ........ brought us to Oxford street, with a detour through Fort Canning Park. Legs about to fall of we caught the metro 'home.'

Brian's luxurious spot has a 50 metre swimming pool which we splashed around in for awhile before heading out on the town - Halloween night! Brian took us to the vibrant Clarke's Quay, a very cool spot with funky, colourful buildings housing bars, restaurants and clubs. We spent the night there, even the outside parts are air-conditioned! The place was hoppin' with people. We had a drink in one bar called 'The Clinic', it had wheelchairs for chairs, and you can buy your drinks on drips which are wheeled over to you. It's a bizaare sight at first glance to see a bunch of people sitting around on hospital beds and wheelchairs drinking some sort of rocket fuel from a drip, obviously most people saw the funny side as it was almost impossible to get a seat. We did a pub crawl to a few other spots, all heaving with people and a great atmosphere.

The following morning feeling a little rough around the edges Brian brought us for the best fry up we've had in awhile. We also got one of the best views in the city from his office on the 57th floor of a skyscraper. I don't know how he gets any work done. The views over Singapore port are fantastic, ships as far as the eye can see.

We spent the afternoon at Singapores Seven's Rugby tournament on the Esplanade, tough day all round as you an imagine. Cute Asian girls were wandering around with no apparent purpose, other than to carry giant inflatable rugby balls and giant inflatable sheep?! I have a picture of two giggly boys with the aforementioned. After all that excitement it was back to Brian's to pack for AUSTRALIA!!!! Woohoo!

Thailand - again!

We opted for the cheaper night bus to Bangkok from Vientiene. It cost $20 each, which included a meal. The problem with these night buses to the Thai capital is that they inevitably drop you off somewhere near Khao San Rd at some ungodly hour when all but the most desperate prostitutes and drunken leering farang's (Westerners) are hanging around. I've detailed my disgust with Khao San before - on my travels to find somehere to sleep I was offered sex 8 times. There's no subtlety, no humour about it, just a cold plea for a transaction. Eventually we found a nondescript but relatively clean room (apart from an ecstasy tab and condom wrapper under bed).

I arranged another night bus/boat combo down to Koh Tao and slept until we checked out again at 11am. The bus wasn't to leave until 6pm so we hopped in a tuk tuk and made it to Siam Square. I sat in a Starbucks catching up with the papers (and the details of the PAD protests that were ongoing only a few kilometers from my comfy seat) and reading Stephen Fry's autobiography (brilliant) for a few hours while S shopped.

I also hatched a future business plan for a chain of cafe/bars situated in shopping centres called 'Mansitters'. This wee establishment will offer the poor misguided and bullied spouse/boyfriend of credit card toting shopaholics a welcome alternative to following his partner on a leash through the Next's/ M&S's/Coast's/other nightmarish moneyholes of this world. It will have large screens with live sports, a bookie and booze licence, all the days papers and business magazines, wireless internet access, and sister taxi company called 'Manshifters' which can ferry bubbly hubby home if he chooses to get too pissed to drive. Oh and X-Boxes....and sexy waitresses. It will in fact be such a draw that the lads will be dragging the girls to fecking Liffey Valley for the Sunday afternoon ritualised torture. This is all detailed in the contents of a registered post envelope to Mr J T Morrin, Fishery Lane, Naas by the by -so any potential copycats beware. Any potential investors however are most welcome!(;

The bus southward was more comfortable than our previous one, and we managed some sleep before at 3am being dropped off at Chumphon. I couldn't sleep, so got stuck into the book again lying on a bench at the dockfront until the boat left at 8am. I popped some seasick tablets, which are glorified sleeping pills and slipped into the semi coma that is drug induced slumber. I woke up in time to the majestic site of Koh Tao getting incrementally bigger on the horizon. The water was so blue, I wanted to jump in immediately and swim the rest of the way, but then remembered the sharks..God it was good to be back here though. True island paradise.

The minute we landed onto the marina it started to rain. Shitecakes. We settled on Bans Diving Resort - I wasn't leaving here this time without my PADI, and Bans seemed like a good option. If you register to do a dive course you can get hefty discounts on accommodation, so we signed up immediately. That evening we did a bit of classroom stuff... 'remember to breathe under water now' ...'don't give the fingers to a shark if you see one' etc etc all that kind of revalating stuff. The rakish Swedish fella who was to be our instructor for the next four days cried off with a flu, and just as we were finishing watching the drivel that is the PADI dvd, in bounded a floppy haired Brit introducing himself as Guy. I was fairly sure he had been an extra in Robin Hood Prince of Thieves at some point...but he was very friendly and seemed to know what he was on about.

An early start the next morning and into the pool to get the hang of the gear. Our group was nice and small - just five of us with Guy - a German couple and a Yank. The pool was fun - the sensation of having the tank and weights on is great, you can just hang out at the bottom making obscene gestures to each other (no sharks yet) and well..remembering to breathe of course. A two hour session in the classroom after breaking for lunch, and we were sufficiently wrecked to have a fish dinner and call it a day.

The next two days were fantastic. The weather had continued to reside in the realms of total shite, and the view on the choppy speedboat ride to the dive boat was of sheet lightning off the coast. Not great on the already jittery nerves. Our first sea dive at was to about 12m just to get used to the environment and the equipment. We went through a series of basic skills (clearing masks, hovering, safety ascents etc). I loved it. After an hour out of the water to decompress our second dive was to 18m. We saw a big titan triger fish, some blue ringed angel fish and a blue spotted stingray. I was in heaven, like a big kid in a sweet shop pointing and gurlging and exclaiming to no one but myself about all this wildlife.

Sarah was characteristically shitting herself about the prospect of seeing sharks. Guy was brilliant, and gave a masterclass in that most elusive art of "calming Sarah down" or CSD for short. Fears of mask filling, blood thirsty sharks/barracuda/rare sub aqua giant mosquito's biting and decompression sickness were all dispelled with a magic shrug of the shoulder and toothy grin. 'It'll be fiiiiiiine' (winks to me). Genius. Wouldn't have happened without him.
The next day was our last of the open water course and consisted of two more dives to 18m. Unfortunatley the visibility wasn't that great, but I still loved every minute. The highlight for me was hanging out over the nest of a Clarks anemonefish - watching the parents in their brilliant yellow black and white birthday suits challenge us in little forayed darts. Little agressive Nemo's!

We enjoyed these few days so much, and seeing as the weather continued to be drizzly and overcast which ruled out beach activity (that should be inactivity in fairness..!)we decided to do the 2 day advanced course which started bright and early the next morning and consisted of five more dives. The first two were a multilevel dive concentrated on getting the hang of ascending and descending to depths of up to 30m safely, spotting a few moray eels, puffer fish and trigger fish en route. Then the navigation dive, which I was fairly nervous about - it's daunting to be let off on your own after having just gotten used to following an instructor around! You are given a dive computer and a compass, both strapped to your wrist, a map and a few basic instructions. We saw a 5 foot barracuda and what looked like the outline of a bull shark after only a few minutes down there - had to do a quick CSD session there!

Sarah was suffering from a rare ailment for divers - the pain of trapped air in a tooth expanding upon ascent. God love her she was in bits after the second dive. With a bit of cajoling, a few cups of tea and promises of medals of valour she bravely got into the water the next day for our remaining three dives. The first two of these were off Chumphon Pinnacle - a scattering of large rocks about 4km to the north of Sairee Beach. The current was very strong at the surface, and it was a bit of a struggle to make our way down the guide rope to a calmer depth. We undertook these on our own - no instructor (although he was in the water for some of it). The second dive was a 40 minute fish identification dive.

The highlight of the whole PADI experience awaited us that night though. We chugged back to Sairee Beach for about 4pm, with just enough time to rinse the gear and grab a bite to eat before heading out to White Rocks for the final dive - the night dive. Equipped with torches and shitting ourselves in the twilight of dusk, a couple of kilometres off the coast, like flippin navy seals we jumped into the still bath like 30 degree water and kicked until exhasted against the current to get to the guide rope which was the length of two boats away.

Pausing for a quick breather and after a couple of final instructions on how to use the torches (mine kept knocking off by itself! nightmare!) we slowly slipped into the murky darkness. After adjusting to the light I found it surprisingly relaxing. Generally I don't have a fear of enclosed spaces (like Sarah) and tend to feel more comfortable and almost cozy in them. I've always felt safe and comfortable in thick forests for example, whereas to Sarah that density and sense of being surrounded gives rise to an uncertainty over what is lurking in all those spaces you can't see, and ultimately a panicked fear.

We all stuck close together though and Guy was soon flashing an extra strong light at poor unsuspecting reef fish in the hope of luring a barracuda out for an easy meal. Sure enough within a couple of minutes we had attracted a few 5-6 foot chevron barracuda's who were delighted to have their usually elusive dinner lit up and stunned for them.

The next target would be chosen and illuminated, unsuspectingly sunning itself in the electrolight..and then ...WAMMO - all you saw were those big barracuda jaws and a glassy eye - then dark nothingness and the cacophony of ecstatic giggling from us as Guy flicked and twirled the torches like aquatic six-shooters with glee. We had spoken about the bioluminescence during our briefing on the boat.

The tiny micro organisms that meant nothing to us on the daylight dives were now a sourse of supreme amusement. We turned all the lights off, hovered quietly for a few moments and then started swirling our hands and fingers through the water. Like cartoonesque wizards with sparks flying off our fingers we thrashed about with unbridled joy - it was amazing, an experience I will never forget. One of those memories I have stored away in a box in the back of my head to take out on some pissy Tuesday morning in February in the future when I'm stuck in a damp office somewhere in Dublin when I'll need it to keep my sanity!

So the course had ended, and it was time to party. We drank in the bar at Bans until the wee hours with all our new mates congratulating each other on our 'heroics'. Our flight to Singapore left us with three days to kill on the island, which we relished as our last in the sleepiness of the island. We rented a scooter and hit of few of the northern beaches one day, finding a bar with an infinity pool by the beachfront.

The diving experience has been one of the most worthwhile of our time in SE Asia I think, and we will both be keen to do as much of it as possible in the future.

To paraphrase Josh Ritter, you know something's perfect when you have to leave. We packed our bulging bags, clung to the back of a truck that bumped its way to the harbour front, and caught the ferry to Koh Samui, the location of the most chilled out airport on the planet. From there we flew to Bangkok and caught our connecting flight to what Paul Theroux calls the "social bubble" - Singapore.

Vietnam byebye - Hello Laos!

Ok so J and I haven't been quite keeping up to date with the whole blog thing. It's hard when there's so much going on and so much to do! So apologies. The following actually occurred from October 11th onwards.

After we got back into Hanoi from Sapa it was appproximately 4am so we checked back into the Especen hotel for a few hours kip. Sufficiently rested we headed out to wander around the city for one last time. I think we both agreed our time spent in Northern Vietnam was more enjoyable compared to the rest of the country. Hanoi is so charming, as mentioned before the French influence gives it a much more European feel compared to H.C.M.C. and its' streets are so leafy and narrow and constantly bustling with activity. There is absolutely wonderful 'people watching' to be done here. With that in mind we took a cyclo (a three wheeled bicycle with a large bucket seat over the front wheel for passengers, max. capacity two people!) to the infamous Bia Hoi Junction. This is a cluster of small shops/ bars/ cafes which sell Bia Hoi (the local brew which Hanoi in particular is famous for and we had yet to taste!). Consumption of bia hoi is an extremely social affair - in the city anytime of the day you can see groups of Vietnamese squatting or sitting on small plastic furniture drinking and chatting. So we pulled up a chair and enjoyed a drink whilst watching the comings and goings at this busy junction. It was also the cheapest beer we've drank to date at 20c a pop, and it goes down pretty easy too.

Later we strolled over towards Hoan Kiem lake which is the centre point to the old quarter. It is a beautiful lake with big droopy trees encircling it and a lovely red ornate bridge linking it to a small island in the middle. It's all very picturesque. Anyway as you can gather we really liked this city and this country and were very sad to be leaving.

Vietnamese people certainly give the Irish a run for their money in the friendliness stakes. They are loud, chatty and vibrant. They appear to be very family orientated and have a very laid back attitude to life. So often you can see them taking 'time-out' from whatever it was they were doing to have a cup of tea and a bit of craic with friends. In the evenings as opposed to post-work drinks they huddle together on make-shift bars on the street pavements and drink tea and eat. It's worth mentioning here that the furniture they sit on is that plastic variety like childrens garden furniture. The sight of any big long lanky Westerner on it looks ridiculous! Not only are these people "all that" but it's also an extremely beautiful, diverse countryside. With a tragic history to keep your mind occupied, breath-taking countryside and pretty towns for your eyes and senses to feast on, it's very easy for time to pass quickly in Vietnam. All I can say is we'll be back.

Right so onwards to Laos that evening. We had to make a decision as to whether we would pay for an expensive one hour flight or take a 22 hour bus journey (not a sleeper bus!), after about 15 seconds we decided to let Mastercard pay for our flights and not think about it. We'd seen enough buses to date and were sick of them, plus the thought of travelling along Laos roads by night didn't entice me, in hindsight that turned out to be a very wise decision indeed.

We flew with Laos airlines, one of the oldest in the world I believe, and it was on a Fokker 70 (for those of you who don't know what that is (like I didn't) it's a flippin propellar plane! James had mentioned it would be a turbo prop but that hadn't really registered with me. I was a little unnerved to say the least when I first saw it. It was fairly small, and all the passengers were taking photos beforehand like it was a flippin' amusement ride! Fitz you'd have loved it! Anyway once the free BeerLao started flowing I settled down into what turned out to be a very enjoyable flight!

Luang Prabang

After what was yet another visa money-making scheme on arrival we picked up our bags and made our way into Luang Prabang centre. We settled into a nice spot on Thavisouk for a few nights - cheap as chips.

The following morning we set out for a stroll around the town. And what an unexpected beautiful place it turned out to be. It's incredible to land in a country and realise how little you know about the place. Laos came as a bit of an afterthought for us, somewhere we weren't quite sure we'd have time for. In retrospect we should have made alot more time for this country. We stayed a week in total, that gave us only a glimpse of what Laos has to offer.

We had breakfast at the imaginatively named 'Restaurant Lunang Prabang Bakery'. It deserves a mention for it's yummy treats. J tried the local speciality sticky rice and it was well.... sticky. Afterwards we walked around the main penninsula of the town that juts out into the mighty Mekong River. The city only opened itself to tourism in 1989 after the fall of the U.S.S.R. and Soviet bloc governments.The next decade saw private enterprise being legalised and so shops re-opened and villas etc got turned into guesthouses. The city was added to to the UNESCO World Heritage list in 1995. This brought about a ban on buses and trucks in the centre, this combined with the fact that the citys' main bypass is far from the city centre contributes to making it a very calm and quiet place. It is by no means a party town, it has an 11.30pm curfew for bars and this all contributes to maintaining its traditional disposition. It's absolutely choc-a-bloc with temples, and as a result the monks wandering about in their saffron coloured robes is a very common occurrence. It's definitely an abiding memory of the place.

As we strolled around we could see the young monks, only boys peering out over the monastery walls. It really is a fantastic place. We had a BeerLao at the 'Big Tree' restaurant that overlooks the river and watched the practising for the boat race. Due to our flukey timing we had arrived in Laos for one of its' biggest annual festivals. The boat racing is done in approximately 80ft long wooden boats, in which sit maybe 20-25 men in single file and at the bow and stern are beautifully ornate carvings. With all this activity going on across the river we decided to pay a more than willing local to bring us across on his boat. The other side was a very muddy affair - a bit like Oxegen but with bad music and boats..... hold on exactly like Oxegen without boats. A few more BeerLaos were consumed as we sat and watched the craic. Most of the locals were fairly steamin', back in the town later most of the local proprietors of the various establishments were mixing up orders and dropping bottles of beer as they tried to conduct their business - all very amusing.

Later that evening we went to the local Red Cross Headquarters and took a herbal steambath (sauna). It was heavenly, not only do you get to indulge yourself for less than 2 euro but also donate to charity simultaneously - a feel good factor all round! It was the hottest sauna I've ever experienced. They were segregated, two wooden cubicles side by side. When I first went in I couldn't even see my hand in front of my face let alone if I was about to step on some tiny Laos woman. Sarongs are provided to everyone boys included. James looked amazing in a sarong - I wish I had a photo....

In the womens sauna it was all very busy indeed. I sat there just trying to breathe, and last more than two minutes whilst the various women around me were rubbing their skin with what turned out to be natural yogurt!? In the mens sauna they were stretching in what is a very confined space much to James's discomfort!

It was a thoroughly satisfying experience, that done we headed down to the local night market. It is dubbed as being the most tranquil market in S.E. Asia. It met it's reputation. It was so enjoyable to wander around a market and now be hassled or shouted at to buy. However I think there is a part of me that secretly likes all the fuss associated with a normal S.E. Asian market! I had to restrain myself from adding more to my already bulging backpack.
We ate that evening at one of the market stalls, their local Spar equivalent was selling chicken baguettes for US$1. Not exactly an exotic culinary choice but it was delicious and as it turns out a bit of a local specialty. Complete with a couple glasses of wine on Sisvangvong before lights out finished off a great first day in Laos.

What we were about to embark on the following day turned out to be one of the maddest days we've had, quite an adventure! Our guide picked us up about 8.30am and we drove an hour to a local village from where we started our trek portion of the day. It was three hours of mainly uphill walking in the jungle and it was very hot! Just as we set off James asked On, our guide, what wildlife live in the jungle..

"Snakes" - a raised eyebrow on my part as I spluttered "What??!!"

"Wild boar" - a slight atrial flutter and a further exlcamations..

"Bear" - full blown heart attack and a few more profanities from me.

On 'reassured' me that the bears would be asleep and the boar not on our trail. I wasn't best pleased but trekked on all the same.The scenery was spectacular. We walked through dense bush and occasionally through open fileds in which we saw people harvesting rice by hand. Whole families were out in the sun chatting and laughing as the thrashed crops using the most basic of equipment.Some of the flora we encountered included rubber plants and teak trees.

Later as we walked through dense bush On called to us to "make noisy" so as to frighten any potential snakes from our path. "But they're not poisonous are they On?" , to which he replied "oh yes very, they're green snakes, very poisonous." I instantaneously broke into song, the Jungle Book tune 'Bear Necessities' was the first to come to mind, J laughed but joined in all the same. So there we were like two eejits in Laotian jungle singing Bear Necessities for fear of been bitten by flippin' green snakes. I would have laughed at the time but I was shittin myself to put it bluntly. All very funny in retrospect though.

After what was an intense climb we stopped for a breather and a banana. On pointed to the caves high where the bears apparently sleep and thought it would be funny to start calling out and waking them. I laughed in spite myself at the absurdity of the situation. On was trekking in jeans, jumper, sandals and socks (dad?!) for fear of his dark skin becoming any darker. J and I were in sweating in shorts and t-shirts hoping for a tan. It's a funny world.
On is 20 years old, he does this everyday, his plan is to make enough money, improve his English and eventually move to a bigger city to study I.T.

We finally arrived at the waterfall signalling the end of the trek. Bearing no snake, boar or bear bites we were fairly pleased with ourselves. Next up was an elephant ride around the waterfall. We named ours after a certain Irish rugby pundit and newstalk presenter with whom he shared a multitude of characteristics. Begrudgingly George wobbled us around for a bit, for which we kindly repaid him in bananas afterwards.

Following on from this exertion a swim was just what we needed. The waterfall was not your stereotypical image of a tropical fall, but instead consisted of a series of limestone shelves over which the water rushed. It was breath-taking, a trifle cold but a welcome cool down all the same. A snake in the water caused great comotion amongst a group of Chinese tourists who been busying themselves perfecting various poses for all the photo-taking going on - nothing new there.

The final leg of the day was the kayak back, approximately 2 hours. Our initial enquiries about how difficult this would be were laughed at. Myself and On shared a double open kayak, while James had one to himself. On may I add was about half the size of me but twice as strong. So we were back once again in the familiar muddy waters of the Mekong (well a tributary).Within minutes of being afloat James was overturned as we passed the spill out point from the waterfall. Once we stopped laughing, and J had managed to heist himself back onto his kayak we passed the following hours floating down river at a good pace, soaking up the sun and enjoying the fabulous scenery - Northern Laos is very mountainous.

During the last hour we hit rapids that were by no means gentle. James once again came flying out of his kayak in spectacular form as he went over a rock. What ensued was to be slightly disastrous. As his kayak floated by On and I, On jumped from our kayak in attempt to catch and save the loose kayak.

James grabbed hold of me, I was holding a branch, the water was loud and fast, within seconds On was gone from view and James and I were on our own............

James and I were in the double kayak now and rapidly floating downstream, we started paddling in an effort to find our guide, oh the hilarity of it all. We chose the wrong path way after a split second decision and encountered more rocks. This time it was my turn to get wet, as our kayak glided over a concealed rock. It was all a bit chaotic and with our guide (nor anyone else for that matter) nowhere in sight I have to admit I was nervous. After clattering along a series of rocks I managed to pull myself back onto the kayak to discover my shin cut fairy deeply, bleeding and quite painful. Holy God what were we getting ourselves into - complete amateurs!

On emerged from the trees along the shoreline just as we manged to pull in, and we were very happy to see him! For a few minutes I thought J and I would be navigating our own way home in the approaching darkness. He had managed to save the other kayak, which was pulled ashore. How he did so with no paddle is a mystery!

We were back in action - On back with me and J in his kayak again. We were minus a paddle so I was afforded the luxury of doing nothing for the remainder of the journey while the boys laboured away at the remaining rapids. Just as the sun was setting the welcome site of the company owner and his jeep greeted us on the shore - he was waving his phone and was obviously relieved to see us - we were much later than expected. When he saw my bloody leg he decided not to charge us for the lost paddle and seemed a bit anxious as to what we were going to do.

It was one of the most exhilarating things I have done in a long time!

Back in Luang Prabing later that night we again visited the Red Cross to steam our aching limbs, followed by an amazing Indian dinner for only a couple of euro. It was our best day in Laos by far, and one of the best of the whole trip.

Vang Vieng

The road from Luang Prabang to Vang Vieng consists almost entirely of hairpin bends and is less than a comfortable ride. It was unnerving at times to look out the window and see how close we were to the edge especially given the recent news that a double decker tourist bus had toppled only days previously killing two and injuring many.

We ended up staying in Thavisouk Hotel, undoubtedly the nicest accommodation in town. It was equivalent to a 4 Star at home. We had an enormous bedroom on the top floor and a large balcony with stunning mountain views. We were in heaven and all for about Eur12 a night.

We headed down to the river front later in the evening to join in the last of the festivities. On the last day of the boat festival it is tradition to release flower and candle wreaths into the river and we joined the locals and bought a wreath of our own and watched in the dark as hundreds of these sparkling vessels floated downstream.

The following day we rented bikes.My leg was still quite sore from the kayaking so trekking was out, and cut too deep to risk water activities. This was a pain in the bum since Vang Vieng is so famous for tubing and we missed out!

About 5 minutes cycle out of the town and across the river brings you right into the countryside. We cycled to a lagoon, J jumped in and had a swim while I watched jealously. After lunch there we climbed about 200m to a nearby cave. It seems that in these parts the locals will put up a sign and erect a ticket 'office; beside anything resemblig a lagoon or a cave. You could easily disappear into a cave system without a trace! We climbed up to this particular cave out of curiosity. What we discovered at the top was an entry only big enough for one of us to squeeze through at a time - potholing not being our cup of tea we promptly turned around again and descended!

A funny thing about Vang Vieng is that lots of the restaurants have tv's playing series after series of 'Friends' and they're always full of people watching and eating dinner?! Nuts. It might be something to do with the fact that for a few extra cents you can ask your waitor to add grass/ methamphetamines/ magic mushrooms or even acid to your milkshake/ pizza or whatever it may be you're consuming! Whatever tickles your fancy I suppose.

Vientiane

The nation's capital leaves alot to be desired. We stayed only two nights, so I suppose to be fair we didn't give it full exploration. We held up in the Youth Inn directly across the road from 'Sticky Fingers' cafe which alone is worth the visit to Vientiane. The food is divine especially if you've been travelling for awhile.

We did some strolling around, it's centred mostly around the riverfront (the Mekong). In attempt to catch some sights we plodded off to their equivalent of the Arc de Triomphe. We were just in time to catch the locals out doing their evening exercises in the park that surrounds it. It was the main thing of interest we visited and to be honest it was an ugly monstrosity.

Dehydrated and J walking beside me with his tongue out I took the hint and suggested we sample what Vientiane has to offer by way of entertainment. Our first stop was a Mexican bar (naturally) and then it was on from there to two French restaurants where we drank too much wine and talked too much shite, but had a great night in the process.

Our last day in Laos was relatively uneventful. For want of something to do James entertained my need to purchase a Laos fridge magnet. Unlike many other S.E. Asian capitals Vientiane is not full of tacky souvenir shops so that quest kept us occupied for awhile. Fridge magnet in hand we caught the 5pm bus to Bangkok.

Sapa

Halong Bay itself was spectacular, but unfortunately the tour itself was a bit of a joke. We had paid for a defined itinerary, which disappeared into thin air as fast as the mastercard transaction that had sponged the money out of our accounts to pay for it! So when we arrived back to the travel agency's office in Hanoi I posed as a pissed off travel writer demanding top speak personally with the highest level of authority in the place before our impending departure to Sapa.

I threatened from on high about Lonely Planet blacklistings and ruinous blogosphere rants (the place was called Sinh Cafe by the way). The unfortunate and much beleaguered little Vietnamese man who was summoned poste haste before us apologised profusely and offered the princely sum of $3 each in gracious rebate. To this I arose and reddened even further, whipping his business card out of his hand and jumping up and down on it wildly, pounding it into the tiled floor of the office in what I hoped would be a clearly understood universal gesture of disgust. After all this pompous posturing, my calculatedly infantile display of ire resulted in the poor fella crumpling -he gave us a whole $20. Even at this we were being gloriously ripped off. All part of the fun however, so we left the bags there for the hour or so we had to kill and had diner in a cafe that overlooks the cathedral square. We continued the childish theme of the evening by taking jars of crayons and drawing sunsets and smiley faces all over the table cloths.

We returned to the office and met an English couple who were to be our traveling companions on the overnight train to Lao Cai. The train was spotless, the four berth cabin lined with polished wood (more like the interior of a sauna than a cabin) and there was free bottled water and chocolate for all. A far cry from some of the latter legs of the trans Mongolian experience, and a welcome place to kip for the night. I love night trains, the giddiness of settling into your cozy berth, the prospect of heading into the corridor and gawping out the window with your fellow passengers at the whizzing landscape outside. Paul Theroux endorses trains over planes very well when he talks about the dismal "hurrying to the airport, to be interrogated and frisked..and searched for bombs". He reckons you are "better off on a national railway, probably the best way of getting a glimpse of how people actually live..the telling facts of village life, the misery that airplanes fly over. Yes, the train takes more time, and many trains are dirty, but so what? Delay and dirt are the realities of the most rewarding travel". Yes indeed.

So we pulled out of Hanoi and got to know Matt and Megan over chatter of previous train/plane and auto experiences in far flung corners (such as the Philippines, where they had just been to). It felt almost like a betrayal to Fitz and Dave to be giving these cabin impostors the time of day considering our mammoth railway experience together, but they proved to be very good company!

An early morning arrival in Lao Cai - 5am. The hawkers and stalls selling fruits and fresh baguettes (a staple feature of all market life in northern Vietnam - those Frenchies, you've got to love them) were just setting up in the darkness as we made our way to a waiting minivan. I slept for most of the two hour journey to the Summit Hotel in Sapa but was nevertheless somehow aware of the amount of corkscrewing the driver was engaging in to get us there. I missed some great scenery apparently, but God knows I need my beauty sleep.

I stumbled bleary eyed off the bus to be met by a gaggle of Lilliputian giggling girls dressed in darkly dyed indigo shawls. Their toothy grins shone out like lines of Mentos in a facial sea of Fisherman's Friends from their cracked and over-aged faces. They were instantly likable. We were ushered into the hotel itself, past this excitable welcoming committee and had breakfast and showers and wandered through the gardens at the back that looked out over the valley. We met Jane and Andy and Chris and Kim again there - our Australian friends who we had hung out with in Halong and Hoi An respectively.

It was about 9am by the time we finally set off,with Key our local guide, and a squadron of the shawled gigglers in tow. The itinerary for the day was to pass through 3 villages along a 10-12km track through the valley. We passed a huge cannabis plant along the roadside - they grow all over the place here, and I rethought those gaping grins. These ladies were Black Hmong women and were to keep us company on the couple of miles we were about to walk to their village. There was a catch of course, in that one was expected to buy something from them en route, or upon arrival.

In the course of the chatter with them one in particular, her face like a dried prune, took a particular fancy to me. When I told her my name was James the grin widened until I thought her little upturned face would explode - "thats my name tooo!!!". Well well, how silly of me of course it is. My we've lots in common, lots to talk about! She made me a horse out of reeds, Sarah was given ornate little flowers and ponies by her new 13 year old friend called Sarah, and we merrily made our way up along the valley's edge. We passed a farmer carrying an upturned wooden feeder box that must have weighed about 15 stone on his back. His calves bulged as he hassled a few cattle up the hill in front of him. The first village we came across was tiny - about 15 families. The men work solid during the harvest season for about three months, and then take it easy for the remainder. ''Now this is a serious system'' I though to myself as Sarah and the other girlies gawped incredulously. Sly winks to and from all the boys though haha. All this going on with James dutifully by my side working hemp through her poor ragged old hands to weave later when she got back home.

Wandering along those paths, peering into the misty valley, passing homesteads where the pigs and goats are treated like children I couldn't help but wonder at the simplicity of it all. Bloody hardship too though - it snows all winter. The Hmong's love their buffalo. To have many is a sign of great wealth - the more you gots the richer you is. They can fetch up to US$1,000 a pop, and live to be about 25 if looked after properly. These big lumps of muscle have their own luxury accommodation, never far from the family homestead, where they can chill out doing crosswords by the fire on those lonely winter nights.

My red t-shirt pleased Key no end. ''You are Tiger! HAhaa! You are Tiger! You strong man! Red very lucky colour Vietnam people!" He pointed disdainfully at a sullen Dutch trainee doctor beside me. "How many girlfriends have you had?!Hahaaa! You are not Tiger no...you are donkey!! hahahaaa!''.

More terraced paddy fields, muddy tracks and about 2 hours later saw us enter the village where our homestay was waiting for us. We settled in, showered and had a wander. I took some photos of young fellas running barefoot along the pathway playing with thin iron sticks and wheels. So much for fecking X-Box. They were delighted with themselves. I bought a few trinkets from James,and she threw in a hemp friendship bracelet to boot. We promised to Skype (we didn't really).

The homestay, in a village called Tay Van, was a large one roomed, two storey wooden roofed concrete barn. A staircase led directly to the upper floor where we were to sleep on mattresses under mosquito nets, and where a balcony looked out over the paddy fields and into the valley. It was harvest time, so the stumps of rice were being burned off after being thrashed. The air was thick with wafty smoke, and soon dusk descended. After a big spread thrown on by our host family, and a fair few shots of home brewed hooch I fell knackered into my leaba.

An early start the next morning after a feed of pancakes and out we fuddled up a hill towards our next destination. It was only a brief walk, about an hour or so, before a river emerged in front of us on the valley floor below. Passing another cluster of wooden huts, a 25 year old mother of two cute and scurrying little kids emerged offering hand made jewellery for sale. Sarah bought some from her, and I took a nice photo of the three of them with her.

We sat at the top of a waterfall for about half an hour before walking downhill and over a footbridge to a restaurant for lunch. The Hmong's were out again - this time of the red variety (they wear red fez like headscarves as opposed to the indigo ones) and selling tin jewellery, hemp bags and pillow cushions, and all manner of other trinkabelia.

The bus journey back to Sapa was uneventful apart from evidence of landslides by the road. The last heavy rains had resulted in a fair bit of damage to the region in September. We showered and wandered through Sapa before the (packed) bus back to the train station.

After another all too short sleep we arrived at Hanoi at 4am. Along the street that runs parallel to the train yard people huddled on their knees, stapling together the local morning papers in a huge human production line of antiquated publication. Not for the first time in South East Asia I felt extremely lucky to have the cash in my pocket to be able to go and find a bed for a few hours before the sun rose.

Halong Bay

Halong Bay was the first place I remember reading about when researching this trip months ago. Now that we finally made it to northern Vietnam I was so excited about finally getting here, for reaching it signified for me how far we've come and also hammered home how amazing this trip has been. I realised how lucky I am to reach a place that I could only imagine about all those months ago. As cheesy as that sounds, it felt quite symbolic for me!

Having decided on a three day, two night tour of the area we haggled for the cheapest option as we've come to learn that no matter what you pay for in Vietnam everyone gets the same deal! An early pick-up meant we hit Halong City by about 1pm and had lunch on our boat 'Cong Nghia.'. We got talking to an Australian couple - Jane and Andy, who were really sound, and were on their honeymoon as it turns out! As the day rolled by we began to realise what we paid for was not exactly what we were gonna get. So the four of us laughed it off as much as possible. The AMAAAAAZZING scenery more than made up for it. I can't think up enough adjectives to describe Halong. It was breath-taking. The weather was fantastic. We again were so lucky as a few days previous the area had been hit by the tail end of the cyclone from South China and no boats could sail, but on our arrival the bay was calm and serene.

Initially there was some chaos guiding all the hoards of tourists onto the correct boats! On any given day there are approximately 400 boats in the bay. The harbour area was jam-packed! Luckily all the boats (big wooden junks) are very charming to look at and so don't ruin the view. Once aboard there was an entertaining few minutes as everyone guessed as to how our captain was going to navigate his way out and around the traffic without hitting anything! It seems that was no concern of his, and after a few bumps we were off in the right direction - problem solved!

Once sailing we climbed to the upper deck and sat back and soaked in the view. It met all my expectations. It looks like a giant mountain range submerged in the ocean. The huge limestone karsts jut out of the water into the sky. In these porous rock peaks are many caves and and our first stop was to visit one - Thien Cung cave. As caves go I can't say I was very excited, but once inside that all changed. It was flippin' enormous, stalagmites and stalagtites everywhere, pillars to beat the band - my old geography teacher Mrs. Mullagh would have had gone into overload with this one! At one point through a large hole in the roof a shaft of sunlight came streaming in creating a lovely angelic glow! All very impressive.

We floated through the remainder of the day passing small villages in the bay, including a floating bank at one point! Our "guide" (he being the only one with a smattering of English) was subjected to a few tantrums from silly tourists who had bought their tickets from a cowboy in Halong and were outraged when told their tickets were invalid. I found him later smoking what looked like a large opium pipe, pullling on it like his life depended on it! He was way too much of a yes man which is infuriating when it isn't a yes or no question! Most of the crew were slightly inebriated/ high. There was a general air of chaos on the boat. No one quite knew what the itinerary was!

Meanwhile up on deck Jane, Andy, myself and James had a few beers and hoped our guide knew what he was at. Dinner came after the crew had a few rounds on the pipe, a few beers and ate themselves. At this point our expectations weren't too high so we just sat back and enjoyed the view.

We had dinner with French couple (who James spent a lot of time unearthing his schoolboy French with to tell them what the feck was going on since they didn't have a word of the Queen's between them) and Israeli couple Inball and Guy. After a few games of cards we hit the beds.

Our room wasn't quite what we paid for, no fan or ac. We pulled the windows open to let some air in and we could just about make out the giant shapes of the karsts as we glided by. It was fantatic to wake up in the middle of the night, both our heads hanging out of our window to see the murky peaks of the bay looming by in the mist so no real complaints there!

The following morning we arose in time for some kayaking at 6.30am!!!! Not much of a morning person I didn't think I was gonnna be too enthused about the whole affair at that ungodly hour, however the view from our wee cabin was spectacular when I opened my eyes!!! Having caught my attention we were up and out kayaking on Halong Bay before we knew it! Breakfast around 7.30am and we were set for the day!

We docked at Cat Ba Island that morning. It was like the guidebook said - "straight out of Jurassic Park." It was spectacular. A very mountainous green lush island. We trekked for 3 hours uphill and over a mountain peak. Then clambered downhill over rock before curving uphill again. The views were beautiful. Mountain after mountain with covered in a green canopy. It felt like we were miles from civilisation. Our guide was skipping along in his flip flops barely breaking a sweat while we all huffed and puffed behind him, getting redder by the minute. We broke from beneath the canopy to climb higher to a view point. This involved a scramble over rocks to the top, and it wasn't till we were almost there that we realised how high up we were! The view was worth the scare, it felt like being on top of the world. A few snaps later we made a slow descent back to the bottom.

We were planted at our hotel for the night to be greeted by more "merry" staff who showed us our room on the 6th floor (no elevators in Vietnam by the by) - another mountain to climb! ha! We made off to the beach for the rest of the afternoon to cool off and chill out. Jaysus it's tough!

Cat Ba has stall after stall selling pearls. I had never thought of myself as much of a pearl woman but it seems I'll buy anything that's good value - I'm sure that surprises none of you! James caght the bug too and it wasn't long before we were playing the stall sellers off each other, well at least James was. he's a great haggler. It was all highly entertaining on my part, he got a good price for me and I came away with enough pearls to set up a stall of my own. Christmas and birthday presents sorted for a year or two! Heehee!

Back on the boat the next day, and we chugged back to Halong City taking in the last views of the bay and felt grateful for having seen it in all its glory.

Hanoi

Tired of buses and presented with the offer of a cheap flight northwards to Vietnam's capital, we travelled in style and comfort landing in Hanoi with plenty of daylight left to go hunting cheap accommodation. We were deposited from our Vietnam Airlines bus near St. Joseph's Cathedral in the Old Quarter. Now if anywhere thus far in the country has felt French it's Hanoi. The Cathedral looks down onto a busy intersection that wouldn't be out of place in Montemarte but for the steady stream of cyclo's and bikes laden down with anything from full kitchens to small one bed apartments (see photo above).

So we strolled along through the dappled side streets around the Cathedral and found a room. I've been the subject of some merciless slagging over my last haircut (which was on the cruise down the Yangtze) so this time I did the sensible thing and found a barber on the side of a very narrow street to do the job for about 2 euro. Harry the Snipper and I discussed all matters follicular as he snipped and shaved away, moving politely to my side every couple of minutes or so to let a moped whizz by. He did a better job than the ship's butcher, lets leave it at that!

A few minutes walk directly opposite the front of the Cathedral, and you are in gastronomic heaven. We settled on Paris Deli where I had my first steak in over three months. Oh Dear God. Unbelievable. The bulk of my meal nearly got the better of me as I descended the stairs from the balcony on which we ate, but brave little soldier that I am I managed to pull myself together. Bless.

We were anxious to find out as much as possible about trips to Halong Bay, so bailed into the Backpacker' s Hostel nearby to try and find some people who had done it already. Instead we met a bunch of lads from some hellhole in the north east of England who were absolutely delighted to be anywhere but home and thus made very enjoyable company. A gangly Canadian girl suggested a bar called Le Pub which was celebrating it's 4th birthday that night, so we all made our way through the mentalness of Dong Xuan night market to this little place that was heaving. We talked shite with Frenchies, Swedishies, Aussies..I played a bit of Elvis outside with a bedraggled yank and his guitar for a bit,.. good night. Then on to one of the few establishments that keep their doors open past 11.30, the bizarrely monickered 'Half Man Half Noodle'. Lots and lots and lots more shindiggery and gin later, myslef and Sarah found two moped musketeers outside to cling to as they hurled us along empty streets at breakneck speed through the lashing rain to our hotel.

The following morning/afternoon...ugggh. Bad bad hangovers. Sometime in the mid-afternoon the boozey haze abated enough for us to venture outside and walk around as much of the Old Quarter as we could manage. The Hoan Kiem lake front is beautiful, and we wandered through the various corners of the quarter where those 'agglomeration affects' I was so bored to tears with in business studies classes in the CBS were plainly evident (a shoe street, a tin box street, ..even a headstone street for godsake!). What makes the quarter so quaint I think is the multitude of trees that line the boulevards and seem to grow impossibly out of cracking pavement and shelter whole neighbourhoods.

We ate in the airy marble tabled Cafe Mocha and found a travel agents to arrange a trip to Halong, which we booked for the following morning.

Hue

So after a few days in Hoi An we caught a morning bus north along the coast to Hue. The journey was the most comfortable bus ride of the trip to date, it being on a 'sleeper' bus. The landscape was really impressive. Four hours later we pulled into Hue, a sprawling city centred on the banks of the Perfume River. Having been bombarded with multiple accommodation offers we settled into a hotel near the riverfront. The room had free internet access (a pc in the corner) and was only $10us a night. Sweet.

The bags were getting a bit heavy at this stage, post tailor raiding in Hoi An, so we decided to put post a package on to Sarah's uncle in Australia. A lot lighter (both of load and of wallet) and much relieved, we grabbed lunch and promptly rented bicycles to head out and explore.

We soon discovered that the town was yet another to add to our burgeoning list of UNESCO World Heritage sites visited. First stop and across the water from our hotel was the Citadel, which apparently sports the biggest and highest Vietnamese flag in all the country, so there. We walked around the inner sections and through the ruins of the forbidden city where once a long long time ago emperors and eunics and concubines all got along merrily playing Playstation 2's and throwing popcorn at each other, or something to that effect - I wasnt paying too much attention. After a few hours of wandering around taking pictures of goldfish and various other glittery shiny things we re-traced our peddals hotelward.

The heavens, as is their want in this particular part of the world at this particular time of year, opened for business at about 7pm dropping cats, small babies, bowls of sticky rice and even whole tuk-tuks (naturally complete with disgruntled driver) onto the city's roofs and pavements . Luckily we happened to be inside enjoying a very salty Indian meal and managed to miss the worst of the car denting outside. I exaggerate only slightly of course.

The following day was one of those super-active days myself and Sarah accidentally find ourselves embarking upon every week or so. We got up early, hopped on our bikes again and did a 15km circuit of a number of temples and burial sites of bygone emperors to the south of the centre of town. The most impressive of these, Tu Duc, houses the tomb of one Thieu Tri who fell off the face of the planet in or around the year 1883 and was Vietnam's last emperor. He loved nothing better than to sit around on the wooden decking of his private lakethere fishing, hunting small birds, reciting his own poetry, and fiddling with as many of his hundreds of concubines as was humanly possible. A nice clean cut, simple and ultimately rewarding existence I think you will agree.

Back to Hue via paddy fields and bemused farmers (we got a wee bit lost) for lunch, showers and a bit of a kip. Suitably refreshed we hit the DMZ (demilitarised zone) Bar and another watery hole called 'Why Not Bar' and drank too much with an Irish couple from Templemore we met there.

So all in all while I cant see Hue featuring too prominantly in a list of highlights to date it was good to get out into the countryside and see those tombs. Also a whole heap of Morrins (Morin's actually, but thats the French origin apparently) must have managed to find their way here at some stage as is evidenced by the impressive looking Morin Hotel right on the riverfront, and a number of small tailor shops run by other 10th cousins of mine who weren't interested in a discount despite our obvious blood relation.

Onwards and upwards to Hanoi!

Hoi An

After our sad farewells to the lads James and myself did some last sight-seeing around Phnom Penh. We visited a local temple (Wat) called Wat Phnom around which the town was built after Lady Phnom erected a Buddha shrine there back in the day. That turned out to be bit of a washout quite literally.

After a few snaps it was over to the FCC bar for dinner and drinks and to watch the 2nd US presidential debate surrounded by US Embassy staff, who appeared for the most part to be fairly democratically inclined (judging from the amount of 'I voted for Obama from Cambodia t-shirts on display)

The following morning we hit the road back to Vietnam. The easiest and cheapest option was to get a 6 hour bus back to Saigon before moving onwards. Onwards hence we flew to Hoi An, which is a charming UNESCO listed town in the centre of Vietnam's sprawling coastline. It's a beautiful settlement with lovely old low rise yellow buildings and narrow streets. One of it's attractions is the Japanese covered bridge which is down by the riverfront, a beautiful ornate structure. It'a all very pretty indeed.

It is also known for its' tailors and whilst we hadn't planned on shopping we got sucked in. Well at least I did and brought James with me! We emerged two days later with two suits, two winter jackets (yes I know, not exactly practical), two shirts, one dress and three tops! Phew! It involved alot of measuring tapes and pins and haggling! But most definitely worth it. Excellent value. And of course a few other things including lanterns, a hammock and countless scarves were purchased mid ramble! I could open my own stall with all the flippin' scarves I've bought! We got a bit carried away needless to say!

(Thankfully - ed. )we did more than shop of course there was a token effort at doing some sight-seeing to the nearby temple site of My Son. In hindsight perhaps the visit was not worth the effort, it was mainly ruins of temples as most of the complex was bombed by the Americans during the war because they had convinced themselves that the Viet Cong were hiding there. They were wrong. It was an interesting tour but there were moments when I thought I might lose J to dehydration - sweat record broken again! Our hotel luckily had a pool to cool him off after. Accomodation in the town is excessive so as a backpacker you have your pick of the best for cheap prices.

We also did a cooking course on afternoon. It was great we rambled off to the local market with our cook and she showed us the ins and outs of picking the ingredients. Going to the market in SE Asia is always an interesting experience so it was cool for a change to be buying local produce and learning about it. We cooked a few local specialities before gobbling them up. Aswell as it's fame as a hub of all things tailored, Hoi An is also lauded for cuisine - so we managed to have one or two fantastic meals.

The old lady who runs a little place called 'Truc Vien' just outside the old town deserves a mention. We ate there on more than one occasion as she was so entertaining. A 5 course meal was about 3 euro, and she scolded you if you didn't finish you your vegetables! She was hilarious from the moment you arrived when she clucked around till you were seated and food ordered till the moment you left when she came out for a hug and a promise you'd return!

On our final night there (after a few pre-dinner Bia Hoi's at about 20 cent a pop) we ate in Cafe Amis where the fuss and hassle of having to make one's mind as to what to gobble is done away with by Chef's decision to serve whatever the chef decides to cook that evening, like it or lump it. Luckily for us, this particular evening's delights consisted of a delicious set vegetarian, and a set seafood menu. Yet another excellent meal. We were sad to leave Hoi An, it was a lot different to the Vietnam we knew up to that point. But it was time to go before I ordered any more clothes! !

S

Cambodia, Cambodia...rhymes with Ambrosia..

Arrival/Phnomh Penh

We decided on the slowest and least efficient mode of transport to bring us over the border from Vietnam, thinking it being in keeping with the gist of the place. Our "boat" chugged its way upstream along the Mekong. It was fairly uncomfortable, and about 30 degrees. Along the banks delicate wooden houses on stilts emerged from the undergrowth and receded again into watery oblivion. Water buffalo lounged around on the shore chatting together about the US presidential race. Apparently they reckon Obama has a fighting chance.

The passport control office consisted of an all mod cons concrete bunker housing a disgruntled guard, six dating stamps and a dog. I could have got through on Sarah's passport.To celebrate our 5th visa (and to make the rest of the trip a little more bearable) we had a couple of floating cans of Angkor with Ben, a French fella who was making his way slowly back to Paris having worked for Greenpeace in Beijing for 6 months. Sounded like fairly interesting work - trying to get the Chinese to adopt re-usable chopsticks!!

After a further 4 hours we finally arrived at our drop off point about 30km from Phnomh Penh in torrential rain. Now its fair to say that we're no strangers to precipitation, but this was ridiculous. Under our respective loads the three of us slipped and fumbled our way along a greasy plank to shelter and our awaiting bus.We passed naked children playing in puddles on the side of the road, a guy on a moped with an AK-47 strapped to his back, and a car crash on our way to the capital. A typical scam unfolded - the guides on the bus insisted we stay in one of their hotels/guesthouses (all the others being full/crap/closed of course). Now this kind of stuff irritates us so we refused to be bullied and hopped a pair of tuk-tuks (Sarah and I in one, Grainne and Ben - who had decided to tag along - in the other) to the lakeside backpacker area Boeng Kak. We had a meal (incredibly stoned waiting staff) played a few games of pool in a bar next door to our hotel and hit the hay having booked a bus to Sihonoukville for the following morning.

Sihanoukville

..is a kip. It's on the coast about 4 hours south west by bus from Phnom Penh. We stayed along the Serendipity Beach area which is a jumble of bored tuk-tuk drivers, beach bars, restaurants and hostelries. The weather was crap - overcast and intermittent cats and elephants falling from the sky. Every morning at about 8am the weather system washing machine would crank up to fast spin and our room was lifted off the ground for about half an hour. Fact.

Our hotel was actually quite comfortable apart from the dampness - we ended up changing rooms a few times during our stay. There are a couple of cool bars and beer is damn cheap (about 35 cent a pint), so there are definitely worse places to kill a few days in the rain. Our saving grace, and probably the best thing about the whole kippy town is Top Cat Cinema - run by Chris, an enthusiastic American ex-pat. We rented the private room there a few times which is basically a suped-up living room with a widescreen and surround sound (and a fridge full of bevvies!). He's got an incredible selection of DVD's so we whiled away more than a few hours there between trashy comedies and classic Vietnam war flicks ("I looove the smell of napalm in the morning" haha)

So our stay was less than productive.I uploaded a heap of albums to my I-pod - courtesy off Boom Boom Music for about a dollar a pop. Every time I left the hotel and wandered out onto the roadfront I was accosted by the tuk tuk drivers and moped boys. It's low season and they're desperate for a bit of business. This gets pretty annoying after a while - but you have to bite your lip and remember that Cambodia is the poorest country in the region. Let me assure you that that's pretty poor indeed. I couldn't help but loosen my lip one morning however when the usual mayhem accompanied my arrival into the daylight.

"Morning Sir! Tuk Tuk? Moped?"

"No thanks lads, your grand. Savage weather we're havin though wha?!"

One fella refuses to be budged and follows me down the road a bit.

"Marijuana?"

"No thanks, but you're a star for asking. It's far too early in the morning". Irony lost.

"Pills?..Opium?...Girl?"

He's annoying me now.

"Boy?"

"Do me a favour and feck off now will ye? Good man"

"Gun?"

Now I stop in my tracks.

"What did you say to me? Are you seriously trying to sell me a fecking gun on my way to the supermarket to buy a fecking yoghurt you moron?!"

He backed off. Apparently I can be quite scary when angered. Dave had a similar experience a few days later and pressed them on exactly what kind of weaponry was on offer. They could only muster a 'small gun' for him, so he said he'd wait because he had his heart set on a semi-automatic. You know how it is.

So after about five days of this carry on, many G&T's, some very tasty Khmer food and a lot of movies it was time for Grainne to hit the road back home. It was great to catch up with her and we'll miss her and her talks about emotions!

Dave and Fitz were set to rendezvous with us having been up to northern Vietnam and then Saigon so we were pressed to stay another few days. Thankfully the weather turned and we spent some time on the beach which is actually beautiful when the sun shines! There is a five star resort (Sokha's) with a pristine private beach so we gave the arms dealers some business bringing us there and back a few times.

I should mention Utopia. This is a kiwi run bar/hostel close to the beach where they do free accommodation (which is basic enough and quite dirty but ok if you're a scabby bearded smelly backpacker) and happy hours (that last most of the day - 7 bucks all you can drink - it's hell.) We spent a bit of time there amongst the stoned kiwi's and played pool with the resident hookers. Fitzer got beaten by a ladyboy. Hilarity.

Anyway at this stage I thought I was going to lose my mind if we didn't get out of dodge so we took an all day bus north to Siem Reap. To put Sihanoukville in perspective - it's set to become the financial capital of the country once the current governor is replaced by the president's brother. A new airport is set to open and depending on who you talk to tourism is set to boom over the next few years. They really need to get their act together on a few things first though (for example most of the coral that would have enabled a diving industry was blown up by dynamiting fishermen). Madness. Our bus journey to Siem Reap was uneventful apart from the amazing Cambodian karaoke/soap pop videos that blared as we careered through the countryside.

Siem Reap

..is much nicer than Sihanoukville. It's cleaner, wealthier, has (some) decent roads and better nightlife. It's also the gateway to Angkor Wat and the surrounding temples. An area of over 20km squared, this was the ancient capital of Cambodia and had a population of close to 1m when London was a town of 50,000. Angkor Wat itself is the biggest religious building in the world. It's amazing. It was deigned that only the Gods could live in stone buildings, so all you have left of this (wooden) metropolis is a scattering of temples dating from the 9th to the 13th centuries (Tomb Raider was filmed there).

We hired a tuk-tuk driver, (based on his uncharacteristic subtlety and general soundness) Mr Phally, for the day and he brought us to the three main attractions. Having wandered around the corridors and ruins of Angkor Wat we moved on to the Bayon. This is where those huge iconic stone faces are - it's incredible. After lunch we crossed the Thom bridge into Ta Prohm, feeding wild monkeys a few banana's on the way! Then we wandered through the ruins for about an hour. The roots of trees have grown up through the structures of the temples here. Its bizarre to see nature's march and power of destruction - in parts its almost like the buildings were placed on top of trees - and not the other way around. Got some great photos.

One day was enough for us out there, but a lot of people do a three day pass. I was delighted that I had succumbed to Sarah's persuasion to come here - I thought I was all templed out after China! We hopped a bus back to Phnom Penh the following morning to spend our last days with Dave and Fitz before parting ways.

Phnom Penh ..again..

A long 9 hour bus journey. Fitz had discovered that his camera and a couple of hundred dollars had been nicked on the previous bus so we were all on our guard this time. Massive pain in the arse since about 800 photos are gone for good. The passing countryside was dirt poor. Water logged land, skinny cattle, disheveled people and wooden shacks. It seems that the only industry is agriculture and nothing else. We were informed that some families live on less than one US dollar a day out here.

We showered on arrival and hit the city, eating in a great traditional Khmer Restaurant before going to the Foreign Correspondents Club (FCC) on the waterfront at Sisowath Quay. This place is fantastic - a big breezy terrace bar overlooking the Tonle Sap river with leather loungers, a pool table and a decent menu. It's the kind of place you'd imagine Graham Greene was hanging out in while he wrote The Quiet American, or where boozed up journalists swapped stories about their experience of the various conflicts that have occurred in this part of the world over the years. Nowadays it serves as a haunt for the ex pat community (a lot of NGO heads and diplomats - the US Embassy here is huge) and the occasional tourist. Then on to the Heart of Darkness - allegedly the city's premier night spot. Nice club, pretty cool, but full of prostitutes and fat bald sweating western men riddled with STI's. We left after one drink.

The next day turned out to be one of the most moving and bizarre of the entire trip to date. Again, we arranged a tuk tuk for the day and set out an itinerary. First stop - shooting range. AK47's and Oozies were squeezed off at targets (mostly missed - not so accurate!). I couldn't believe how light the AK47 was. It's like a toy. Scary. So buoyed up by machismo and firepower (and having passed on the opportunity to create an instant hunk of burning beef by firing a bazooka at a cow) we moved on to Cheoung Ek - the Killing Fields. This is about 14km from the city centre.

The madness that occurred in that small corner of a field is incomprehensible. Pol Pot seized power in 1975 as his Khmer Rouge swept into Phnom Penh forcing the city's inhabitants out into the country to work in the fields. His vision of a utopian agro-economy forced families apart and resulted in terror, genocide and massive man made famine. The intelligentsia - doctors, lawyers, journalists, diplomats, teachers, engineers - basically anybody with an education or opinion - were seen as a 'threat to the revolution' and were rounded up. 20,000 of them and their immediate families - newborn babies included - were brought on trucks to this site and slaughtered.

A middle aged man showed us around. Both his parents (doctors), his uncle and his sister were murdered here. He had come in 1980 in search of them, helped excavate the mass graves and has worked there since. He brought us to a Stupa (a kind of overground tomb) full of human skulls - almost 18,000 - at the entrance to the site. Some were completely shattered. A lot were missing teeth which were pulled out during torture. To save bullets most of these people were beaten to death with hoes, bamboo canes, shovels. He told us of how he had shown Kofi Annan, Mitterand and Putin around the site, and of the tears that Annan shed there.

As you wander through the pits of the mass graves there are still fragments of bone, teeth, and torn shreds of clothing on the ground. I have never been anywhere like it and hope never to be again.Back in the city and into the Genocide Museum at Teul Seung or "S21", a secondary school turned into a prison/torture facility/hell hole by the Khmer Rouge. At this stage I had enough. I think all of us welled up at some point or other. It's predictably eerie, shocking, disgusting, depressing, terrifying, baffling. People are capable of incredible lows.

We got back to the hostel and decided to try and lighten the mood. It was to be the last night the four of us would be together on the trip and we needed to celebrate! The Elephant Bar at Raffles Hotel was the perfect setting. It's opulence is almost garish considering the poverty on it's doorstep, but we managed to struggle on and entertain ourselves over a few games of snooker, lots of shite talk and a few Singapore Slings (invented in Raffles Singapore).

We slipped out to the lobby one by one to do a short summary of the trip on camera - it will be interesting to see the contrasting descriptions in a couple of months! A bar crawl ensued - The Green Vespa, Riverside Lounge, Zeppelin (where the owner sits playing old 70's vinyl - including Rory Gallagher - me Da would have loved it!) and Chilli's (more pool with hookers and Swedish meatballs).So it's bye bye to Dave and Fitzy who are of to Melbourne for ten days via Bangkok and then home. Russia, Mongolia, China, Thailand and Cambodia. Three months of whirlwind amazement, lots of laughs and the occasional tear. It's been the best experience of my life.

As for myself and Sarah, we are lucky enough to have about 4 weeks until we fly to Sydney - so watch this space.J